If Shion Read Twilight
by Brooks101189
Summary: Shion Sonozaki reads Stephanie Myer's popular and infamous vampire novel. Needless to say, things take a turn for the worst. Originally intended as a one-shot, it's now become a series.
1. Chapter 1

It started off as any day in the town of Hinamizawa. Shion Sonozaki lay propped up against a phone line sobbing. On the ground between her feet lay a picture of her beloved Satoshi. Tears fell from her eyes onto the photo.

"Satoshi-kun….why did you leave me?" Shion sobbed to herself.

"Hey Shion!" a cheerful voice greeted happily.

Looking up from her mourning, Shion saw Satoko standing before her beaming down at her happily. In the young girls hand was what appeared to be a book. Shion wiped her tears away and gathered herself up a bit.

"Hey…Satoko." Shion greeted with as much happiness as she could allow. "What's up?"

"Nothing much." Satoko answered, as she started flipping through her book. "I …I've just been really into this book for the past couple of days. It's so cool."

"Really?" Shion asked. "What is the book?"

"Twilight." Satoko answered. "It's totally awesome. It has all kinds of monsters in it like vampires and werewolves. I'm done with it so you could borrow it for now if you'd like."

"Um, alright." Shion answered as Satoko handed her the book. "Thank you, um, I guess. I'll have it back to you as soon as I can."

"Alrighty then." Satoko giggled. "Take care of yourself Shion."

Satoko took off skipping. Shion waved her off.

"Yeah, you too Satoko." Shion said to herself silently.

Intrigued by the book, Shion opened up the front cover and read the description on the jacket cover. To her, the most important part of finding a good book to read is to read the description in the jacket cover. It seemed like it would be a good book. Girl moves to a new town. Girl meets boy. Boy turns out to be a vampire. Sure, it had been done before, but it couldn't be that bad right?

Several hours later, well past midnight, Satoko heard someone knocking at the door. Outside it was storming, the rain pouring down hard. The noise awoke her uncle, whom she both despised and fear greatly. Ever since she and her brother Satoshi (who had recently gone missing) moved in with Tippei, life had been a living hell for the both of them. She flinched in fear as she heard her uncle roaring as he got up to answer the door. No doubt he was going to tell whoever it was to fuck off.

"GODDAMNIT IT YOU PRICKS!" Teppei spat as he angrily opened the front door. "NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO FUC-"

Teppei's words were cut off as the deadly blade of a machete smashed into his face. Blood and brain matter splattered the walls as he staggered back. The sounds of her uncle's gurgles sprang Satoko out the bed as she whipped around the corner in time to see her uncle's body fall to the floor spasming. There was a shape in the doorway that she couldn't make out. Then, once lightning struck in the distance, Saotko saw who it was. Shion's eyes were filled with anger and hate. They seemed to glow in the dark.

"Shi-chan?!?!?" Satoko exclaimed. "What on Earth are you…"

"You made me…………made me read that piece of shit." Shion snarled as she entered the house. She pulled her machete out of Tippei's head, half of his face falling off with a sickening splatter.

"Twilight?!?!" Satoko said in shock. "But it's a ….a good book. Everyone is reading it and loving it."

"IT'S AN INSULT TO THE VAMPIRE GENRE." Shion snarled, moving towards Satoko with murder in her eyes. "VAMPIRES….SPARKLING…..SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?"

Shion smashed a flower pot with her machete. Satoko was terrified. The only way she was going to get out of this was to talk herself out of the situation.

"Well….I can understand if you don't like the book….but why are you in a murderous rage about it?" Satoko asked.

"Murderous?!?!?" Shion let out a cruel barking laugh. "Who says anything about being murderous." She knocks over another flower pot. "I just…..want to thank you ……."

"F….for what?" Satoko asked fearfully, now trapped in a corner in the room.

"For giving me a reason for killing you in this story arc." Shion grinned, as lightning flashed behind her, lighting her face up to make her look like a demon.

With a laugh, Shion lunged at Satoko. Satoko screamed and tried to run, but in her fright tripped over. She turned around in time to see Shion looming over her, a demonic grin on her face, her eyes like staring into pits of nothingness. Satoko let out a horrified scream just as Shion brought down her machete on her. And for the next couple of minute, Shion's demonic laughter filled the house. No one would be able to hear Satoko's screams.

Once again, the town of Hinamizawa would fall victim to Shion's wrath. Her insane laughter would fill the air. This time, everyone would die…..


	2. Director's Cut

Notice: I do not support the hate of Twilight. You can either like it or hate it. I don't care. I have a rocky relationship with it. This is simply a parody of Higurashi itself.

It started off as any day in the town of Hinamizawa. Shion Sonozaki lay propped up against a phone line sobbing. On the ground between her feet lay a picture of her beloved Satoshi. Tears fell from her eyes onto the photo.

"Satoshi-kun….why did you leave me?" Shion sobbed to herself.

"Hey Shion!" a cheerful voice greeted happily.

Looking up from her mourning, Shion saw Satoko standing before her beaming down at her happily. In the young girls hand was what appeared to be a book. Shion wiped her tears away and gathered herself up a bit.

"Hey…Satoko." Shion greeted with as much happiness as she could allow. "What's up?"

"Nothing much." Satoko answered, as she started flipping through her book. "I …I've just been really into this book for the past couple of days. It's so cool."

"Really?" Shion asked. "What is the book?"

"Twilight." Satoko answered. "It's totally awesome. It has all kinds of monsters in it like vampires and werewolves. I'm done with it so you could borrow it for now if you'd like."

"Um, alright." Shion answered as Satoko handed her the book. "Thank you, um, I guess. I'll have it back to you as soon as I can."

"Alrighty then." Satoko giggled. "Take care of yourself Shion."

Satoko took off skipping. Shion waved her off.

"Yeah, you too Satoko." Shion said to herself silently.

Intrigued by the book, Shion opened up the front cover and read the description on the jacket cover. To her, the most important part of finding a good book to read is to read the description in the jacket cover. It seemed like it would be a good book. Girl moves to a new town. Girl meets boy. Boy turns out to be a vampire. Sure, it had been done before, but it couldn't be that bad right?

Several hours later, well past midnight, Satoko heard someone knocking at the door. Outside it was storming, the rain pouring down hard. The noise awoke her uncle, whom she both despised and fear greatly. Ever since she and her brother Satoshi (who had recently gone missing) moved in with Tippei, life had been a living hell for the both of them. She flinched in fear as she heard her uncle roaring as he got up to answer the door. No doubt he was going to tell whoever it was to fuck off.

"GODDAMNIT IT YOU PRICKS!" Teppei spat as he angrily opened the front door. "NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO FUC-"

Teppei's words were cut off as the rusted blade of a hooked cleaver smashed into his face. Blood and brain matter splattered the walls as he staggered back. His head was split open in the center. Teppei staggered back, the cleaver embedded in his head a few steps before he fell to the floor convulsing. The sounds of her uncle's death gurgles caused Satoko to out of her bed as she whipped around the corner. There was a shape in the doorway that she couldn't make out. At first she thought it was Rena. Only one person owned a cleaver around here. Then, once lightning struck in the distance, Satoko saw who it was.

"Shi-chan?" Satoko exclaimed. "What are you doing? And what are you doing with Rena's cleaver?"

Lightning struck behind Shion once more. For an instant, Satoko saw Shion's bloody face. Shion grinned from ear to ear. For an instant, her eyes seemed to glow. They were catlike, slitted, filled with malice. Satoko took a step back, warm fluid trickling down her leg.

"Ehehehe…..I 'borrowed' Rena's cleaver." Shion answered. "Besides, she doesn't it need it anymore….not after what I did to her."

Shion threw something at Satoko. Satoko watched the object roll down to her feet. Lightning illuminated the house again. The object was none other than Rena's head. A look of shock and horror was frozen on Rena's face. Satoko looked to Shion in fear and disbelief.

"Why Shion….why did you do this." Satoko asked as Shion pulled the cleaver out of her uncle's head.

"You made me…made me read that piece of shit." Shion snarled. She entered the house slowly, lightning flashing behind her.

"Twilight?" Satoko said in shock. "But it's a ….a good book. The whole school is reading it. They loved it. They say it's the best vampire book ever."

"They loved it?." Shion snarled angrily, her face twisted in horrible rage. "How can anyone like this book? It's an insult to the vampire genre. This book….this book….Fuck! This book shits on the vampire genre. Vampires sparkling? Are you fucking kidding me? Don't even get me started on the main character. Jesus Christ, that girl cries over and over about her dear beloved Edward and wouldn't be anything without him. What kind of girl would do that in their right mind, huh? Huh? You tell me. Anyone who likes these books deserve to die….horribly."

"Well Shion, what about you?" Satoko stuttered. "You cried over Ni-Ni."

"SHUT UP!" Shion screamed. "God, you're so annoying Satoko."

Shion smashed a flower pot with her machete. Satoko was terrified. The only way she was going to get out of this was to talk herself out of the situation. It didn't work for her in the past, but maybe, just maybe this time would be different.

"Well….I can understand if you don't like the book….but why are you in a murderous rage about it?" Satoko asked.

"Murderous?" Shion let out a cruel barking laugh. "Who says anything about being murderous." She knocked over another flower pot. "I just…..want to thank you …."

"F….for what?" Satoko asked fearfully, now trapped in a corner in the room.

"For giving me an actual reason for killing you in this story arc." Shion grinned, as lightning flashed behind her, lighting her face up to make her look like a demon. Her teeth were sharp, dripping blood and drool. A monstrous snarl emerged from her throat.

With a laugh, Shion lunged at Satoko. Satoko screamed and tried to run, but in her fright tripped over. She turned around in time to see Shion looming over her, a demonic grin on her face, her eyes like staring into pits of nothingness. Satoko let out a horrified scream just as Shion brought down her cleaver on her. Shion's laughter drowned out Satoko's screams of mercy. She didn't want Satoko's apologies. She just wanted to kill the little bitch.

For several minutes, Shion continued to hack Satoko until she was finally satisfied. Satoko's remains were skewered all over the floor, her brains, blood and guts painting the walls. Shion used a bloody hand to wipe her brow.

"Well Satoko, I do believe you helped me relieve some stress." Shion chuckled.

Satoko was dead. She didn't answer back. Chuckling, Shion looked around. Then, something in the kitchen caught her interest. Lifting up the cleaver, Shion entered the kitchen to see a note on the fridge. It was for some book signing. Then, Shion grinned.

"So, Stephanie Myer is coming down here tomorrow." she mused. "Well, I'll have to give her a warm welcome. A welcome to my fun, fun underground torture chamber."

Throwing her head back, Shion cackled as she thought of the many ways she could have fun with the author…..


End file.
